Thursday, January 15, 2009


Actually, now that I think of it, there are a few things I feel I need to get off my chest. It's not just the bowling league polaroid. Hold on. Here's an abbreviated list of things you should never accept as sole references for portrait commissions:

  1. Pictures with big smiles

  2. Pictures taken with a flash

  3. Photos that have that weird 1970's brown color to them now

  4. Pictures with open mouths

  5. Mid laugh

  6. Mid sneeze

  7. Mid horrified flinch

  8. Babies under the age of 6 months. (I only accept babies over age 2.)

  9. Photos taken under banks of fluorescent light

  10. Photos at sunset

  11. Blurry action shots

  12. Photos where the owner knows they're bad, and wants you to put "this head" onto a celebrity/sports pose/existing painting by another artist/Star Wars character/adult star/Sports Illustrated swimsuit model

  13. Intimate bedroom photos (eeewwwwww)

  14. Copies of CD/album covers

  15. Copies of anything come to think of it

  16. Fan-based ANYTHING, even if Justin Timberlake is involved

  17. I mean it!

  18. Photos that date the sitters to 40-50 years prior to present day. More than 50 is antiquated and OK, but 40-50 is just dated and sort of funny-looking. Ask them to wait 10 years.

  19. Photos with funny themes or props like clever t-shirt logos, beercan sippy hats, adult toys, cutouts of celebrities (see #12 above)

  20. Photos where the subject is posed in a celebrity or fan-type pose, a la Kiss' Gene Simmons makeup, or tongue, or whatever. (see #19, and #12, and #16)
Do you have a NEVER, EVER you'd like to share? Email me at with the tip, and your name and blog URL so we can credit you properly.

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1 comment:

  1. Perfect list! Especially no 1!